The Hidden Dangers of being too "Busy"

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Hey everyone, welcome back to the Restored and Aligned Woman Podcast. I'm so thankful you're here. I'm blessed that you are here with me today, and I hope that this podcast can be a blessing to you as well. Today we're talking about something that I'm pretty sure almost every woman can relate to being busy. Nicole (00:30) Not just having a full schedule, but living in a constant state of rushing, striving, doing, and carrying the weight of everyone else's needs, trying to be perfect and Nicole (00:49) Not only in our home, but outside of our home. And somewhere along the way. Nicole (01:03) Somewhere along the way, our culture has begun. Nicole (01:12) I'm not sure when. Nicole (01:15) But somewhere along the way, our culture started celebrating busyness, being busy as some sort of badge of honor. Nicole (01:25) But what if constantly being busy is actually what's caught costing us so much more than we realize? Nicole (01:34) Today we're going to explore what's in between busyness, stress, and our health relationships and our relationships with God. Nicole (01:54) I know I've had a season in my life and I'm still there where I Nicole (02:01) I go through seasons, ups and downs, of where I am just busy and Nicole (02:12) Even after s nurse coaching, certification and my walk with the Lord has changed my life in such massive and incredible ways that it's just too much to talk about on here. But Nicole (02:28) There was a time in my life where accomplishment and being busy was a part of my self-worth. I connected the two. If I was not busy, I was not being productive. I was not accomplishing anything. Therefore, my self-worth was down. So I would just add and add and add and add. Nicole (02:50) you know, between work and raising kids, adding in school, any extra curricular that I could, you know, add on, volunteer, caring for others, adding businesses. I felt productive and I've always been fairly health conscious, but Nicole (03:13) That's chronic stress and pressure over time. Nicole (03:20) Started to deteriorate my life. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. Nicole (03:30) I was just surviving, not truly living. I was never in the moment in experiencing much of anything. Nicole (03:41) A lot of times to be honest, if I'm looking back and trying to recall things, there's a lot of things I don't remember. Nicole (03:52) And that's because I was too busy. I was too busy d doing the dishes, planning for the next week. Nicole (04:07) just making sure everything was perfect and catering to everyone else's needs. Nicole (04:17) I know I'm not the only one that does that. Women constantly they're putting Nicole (04:23) consistently putting other people in front of themselves, other needs, other people's needs in front of themselves and putting themselves last. They feel guilty for resting. If they're resting like if they rest, they're going to be looked down on for resting. Believing that slowing down means they're lazy. we live exhausted because you know we don't we don't know another way. Nicole (04:53) And more and more in this culture, in our culture, women are, you know, the breadwinners of the family. They're single single family households where, you know, you are Nicole (05:13) taking on the role of two people anyway. And Nicole (05:20) Which only makes the load heavier and it's just that much harder to balance. Nicole (05:34) Sometimes we become so busy taking care of life, we forget to take care of ourselves and honestly our families and those around us. Because it's not only the physical day-to-day needs that need met by doing the busy and doing all of the all of the things, the check marks, the to-do lists. We forget about Nicole (06:01) relationships and community and just being with one another, being in the moment. Nicole (06:13) Productivity is not the same as purpose. Full calendars doesn't have to equal fulfilled lives. Actually, more and I've I mean, in my world, I'm not sure of anybody else's world, I'm seeing more and more people that are realizing this this busyness culture is not as not what it was cracked up to be, and it's not as healthy as Nicole (06:43) Well, I don't know that it was ever painted to be healthy, but it does not offer as many rewards as one would think. So slowing down and, you know, in some ways reverting back to the ways of the past and just being out in nature and being with family and being in community, not, you know, doing the rush, rush, rush, rush, rush while those things can and st Nicole (07:13) are still important in some ways. They are not Nicole (07:18) The priority. Nicole (07:24) And women can confuse our Nicole (07:34) They can com women can confuse being needed with being valued. If if they're not needed, if their kids don't need them anymore, if their parents don't need them anymore, or their husband, you know, whatever it is, you know, if they're not needed, they're not valuable. If they're not, you know, needed in the workplace. And at some at some level, that can be true. If you are if you aren't needed, you aren't. Nicole (08:02) being valued. I that c I can totally resonate with that, but that is not the entirety of of the situation because Nicole (08:14) We are valued and valuable even though we might not be needed in the way that we might want to be needed. Nicole (08:29) But we are still needed. I just want to talk on that a little bit because I feel like when my oldest son left Nicole (08:43) I ca like moved out of the house. He graduated and moved out. I think I felt like he didn't need me anymore, even though I knew he needed me. Nicole (09:00) He didn't think he needed me and that hurt. Nicole (09:06) But Nicole (09:14) actually just Nicole (09:20) me being there and being available to him when he decides that he needs me, that was important for him in this season. And I needed to be okay with that because he still loves me and he still needs me, just not in the same ways or the ways that I might perceive that he needs me. Nicole (09:49) The co the hidden cost of constant busyness. Nicole (09:54) Chronic stress leads to elevated cortisol, poor sleep, poor digestion, decision fatigue. Does anyone feel that? Because I know I do. Some days I don't even want to think about dinner because I've made so many decisions in a day. And that's okay. Anxiety, irritability, emotional numbness. I've I've definitely felt that. Nicole (10:25) disconnection from family because you're so busy doing all the things you forget to have that connection. Loss of joy without connection and relationship and connectedness, community, joy and happiness is automatically lowered. That energy is just down. When survival mode becomes normal, you know, constant rushing. Nicole (10:56) Let me tell you a story. True story. Constant rushing. I've always always done it. Been a single mom. Nicole (11:08) Honestly, more often than not. Nicole (11:14) Getting ready for work one morning. Running late. I don't even know if I was running late. I was just rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing. Get the kids ready, get myself ready, da da da da da. Nicole (11:26) Rushing around and my two year old daughter stops me and says, Mom, she grabs my face and she says, Take a deep breath. I kid you not, two years old. Nicole (11:45) Love her to pieces. She puts me in check. I love her. God gave her to me. Nicole (11:52) Such a blessing. Nicole (11:57) Multitasking when multitasking becomes Nicole (12:07) toxic, you can multitask yourself into a stupor. Nicole (12:14) Never sitting down. Yep. Feel that one. Done that one. Busy, busy, busy, busy. And you know Nicole (12:25) Yeah, still still struggling with that one. Never sitting down. It's a it's a thing in my household. I sit down for a second. gotta get back up. Nicole (12:39) Always thinking about the next thing. Nicole (12:44) But it's important that we stop and we ask ourselves, how are we doing? Is what we are doing beneficial for right now? Is this actually productive? Nicole (13:02) How does busyness affect more than our bodies? Nicole (13:08) I've talked I've talked already talked a little bit about relationships with your family and community and connectedness. When I can, you know, we can look back in the past, you know, holidays, I don't know. Nicole (13:27) multiple holidays I've hosted. We've hosted at our home and I'm so busy, you know, making sure the food's ready, the dish is done, the house is clean, you know, everybody has something to drink, everybody has something to eat, everyone knows where the bathroom is, whatever, that it's all said and done. And I didn't even get to enjoy the holiday. Nicole (13:53) And how many holidays do you have with your loved ones? They are limited. And so when we are so busy, that's just one example of how it can affect your relationships. When we don't pause to really just enjoy our family, especially the, you know, those holidays and those times when you only see them for once or twice a year, maybe. And it's important to put things into perspective. Nicole (14:23) And what actually needs done in the moment because will the dishes be there later? Yes. Are they irritating just in the sink just talking to you like a monster? Like Nicole (14:40) I'm here and Nicole (14:45) Just daunting you, the dishes monster. I'm sorry, that's funny. Nicole (14:54) Marriage. Nicole (14:59) I love my husband and I'm thankful for for my husband. He Nicole (15:07) has helped me realize I'll never forget the time when we were newly, newly dating and I was doing my rush, rush, rush, rush, rush thing where I just have to get my n with my nurse background, it's like you just get it done. You might not have time to do it later. You gotta, if you have time, you need to do it right now. And Nicole (15:34) In some ways that served me, in other ways that did not in that so in my life, in my day to day life, not knowing that balance, that did not serve me well. Nicole (15:47) So back to my husband, I was rushing around doing all the stuff and I'm telling him what all I have to do and and I'm just so overwhelmed and and he just like Does that need done right now? Nicole (16:01) And I just stopped and I'm like, well, no, actually. And in that moment I felt so much relief and and just like my stress level just went from a ten to a six because he said that. And I was doing it all to myself. Nicole (16:25) He's done that for me multiple times and he keeps me in check and he he's so connected to you know our relationship and he needs that connectedness and I will notice the disconnect far after he will, but he will notice when I am in that busy, busy, busy, busy, busy mode and I don't stop and he said something, and I'm so thankful for him in that moment. But being aware of that. Nicole (16:56) for you know, every relationship and especially your marriage. Nicole (17:04) is important to to slow down and and be intentional with those relationships and not only Nicole (17:13) Task oriented, duty oriented. Nicole (17:20) busy things and that goes with parenting. It wasn't I don't think I truly Nicole (17:30) I feel bad for my kids. I think every parent's, you know, the first one or two kids, you know, the especially the first one, you're learning. Nicole (17:39) Learning with them. You're learning and growing with them and they're kind of your trial and error and overbearing. Nicole (17:54) Child Nicole (17:57) Again, I was very task-oriented, not very emotionally attentive. And that is where sometimes when the busyness and the go-go-go and the do-do-do, your kids grow up and you forget to see them or really know who they really are, who they're becoming. What do they really want and desire and need? Do you have that? Nicole (18:25) that bond and a good connection beyond just blood and being their parent. I'm not talking about a friendship because as a as a parent Nicole (18:38) be always I mean you can have a relationship and a friendship to a certain point, but you have to have that that line where I am not your friend, I I am your parent. But having a good relationship with them Nicole (18:53) So just to know them and to understand them. And so they feel seen and heard and loved. And they can reciprocate that back to you. It's beautiful. But there was a time in my life where I did not address the emotional needs of my children, I'm sad to say. I think I did at at some level, but I was very focused on just doing all the right things. And Nicole (19:22) I didn't slow down to enjoy it or address what they really needed and get to know them on a deeper level. Nicole (19:33) Thankful for growth and God Nicole (19:38) and experiences that opened my eyes that were very painful, but Nicole (19:45) Thankful. Nicole (19:51) Mental clarity and spiritual life. the busyness, just like as I was talking about with relationship, it just it clouds your mind. You almost get I taught I talked about emotional emotional numbness and just decision overwhelm. You get to just make the decisions and do the busy and Nicole (20:21) At some point it just gets so overwhelming and so heavy that it gets foggy, it gets heavy, it gets dark. Nicole (20:38) And realizing when life gets too heavy, too chaotic, and too busy is important for your mental, physical, spiritual health and and the the relationships and the lives of those around you. When was the last time you simply sat down quietly with yourself without your phone or anybody and just sat? Nicole (21:04) Sat quietly with yourself, sat quietly with God in prayer without thinking about what you have to do next. Nicole (21:23) Why do we stay busy? Nicole (21:26) Well, fear of disappointing others, people pleasing, trying to prove yourself, feeling responsible for everything and everyone, seeking that approval through productivity. Difficulty setting boundaries. I'm pretty sure I didn't understand understand boundaries until I was, let's see. Nicole (21:59) I don't know, like 30 33. And I'm still learning boundaries in different capacities, but boundaries is huge. Understanding and setting them. Avoiding difficult emotions. Ooh, yes. I do that a lot. Nicole (22:25) there's ever something that you don't want to do or a situation that you don't want to address, let's just put that under the rug and we'll we'll just handle it later. Nicole (22:35) So we stay busy. We don't wanna handle it. Put it under the rug, go on to the next. But guess what? It doesn't go away. It's still there. Nicole (22:49) Believing rest must be earned. That's not something that I personally deal with. I guess I never thought that rest should be earned. I don't think rest is ever in my brain. I once thought that I would never meet somebody that could work harder than me. I worked a lot and I worked hard and I was always quote busy. And I would often get this, how do you do what you do? Nicole (23:18) I still get that, but how do you do what you do? I don't know how you do it. Nicole (23:25) I'm not really sure where I was going with that. Other than Nicole (23:33) Rust is important. It doesn't need to be earned. And I am Nicole (23:39) Full transparency. Nicole (23:44) Learning to rest and to honor that rest is part of our creation and how God created us. Nicole (23:56) Jesus rested. Nicole (24:00) We can rest too. Actually, it's commanded of us to rest. It does not need to be here. Nicole (24:14) Healing isn't necessarily about doing more. Sometimes healing starts when you slow down. I've heard this in my coaching program, my nurse coaching program. Nicole (24:28) They would say you slow down to speed up. Nicole (24:33) And that's so true. Have you ever had that moment where you're just so frustrated? You're just working on something, working on something, and it's not working and it's not working and it's not working. And you just grind harder, try harder, you go, go, go, do more, try harder, and it still gets nowhere. Nicole (24:52) And then you finally, okay. Nicole (24:56) I ran out time or whatever. You take a break from that and go do something else. You come back to it and bing, light bulb. You see exactly what was wrong, or you go to do it and it works just fine. Nicole (25:20) So slowing down, taking a break can rest your body, rest your mind so you are able to function more appropriately in the future. Rest is imperative. Rest is not laziness, it's stewardship, it's taking care of your body and the lives that you've been given. Nicole (25:46) Rest is necessary. Nicole (25:50) So let's think about what we can do in this next week to help move towards, move away from this, this too busy model. Nicole (26:01) too busy structure for our life. You can ask yourself, what are you doing because you truly value it? What do you do that makes you happy, that brings value to you in your life? And what are you doing because you feel obligated to do it? Nicole (26:25) Do you ever do you are you doing things that you can literally feel the life draining out of your bones when you're doing them? Nicole (26:43) maybe those things aren't necessary and could be cut out of your schedule. Sometimes I understand, you know, you gotta finish and you gotta get through it, but weigh those options. Nicole (26:57) If you're feeling literally feeling the energy drain from your body, if you're doing something and you just feel that drain that you feel tired and you might even start to have physical pain, note those things and decide are those things worthy for you to keep doing? Is it worth it? And then the things that you truly value, the things that give you energy that make you feel alive and happy and vibrant. Nicole (27:27) Do more of those things. Nicole (27:34) An intentional pause every day. Just just five minutes. Five quiet minutes with God in prayer, being thankful and intentional about your day. Nicole (27:46) Eating a meal without your phone, just sit, eat slow, and enjoy the meal. Taking a short walk outside, noticing the sun, the breeze, the beauty that's around you. Just being outside and moving your body. Or just sitting outside. Nicole (28:12) Take some breathe. Slow breaths in, slow breaths out, slow your breathing, calm your body and your nervous system. Nicole (28:28) You can breathe in for four, hold for four, and then out slowly for six. Nicole (28:44) Remember those things that were energy sucking? Nicole (28:51) Those things that just drain your energy? Can you say no to one of those this week? Is there one thing that you can say no to? Nicole (29:13) One of my favorite Bible verses, Psalm 46, 10, be still and know that I am God. This verse reminds me that Jesus didn't hurry. He made time to rest and pray. And busyness can distract us from what matter matters most. Nicole (29:39) God isn't asking us to prove our worth through constant productivity, but actually commands us to rest and to be still and know that I am God. Nicole (29:52) I feel that in different aspects of my life, being still and allowing God to do what only God can do, to restore peace and hope, happiness, energy. Nicole (30:11) And let him handle that thing that's been nagging at you. Nicole (30:17) Give it to God. I challenge you to give it to God and Nicole (30:23) Really give it to him and just see what happens. And be still. Nicole (30:31) I have no doubt you'll be amazed. Nicole (30:43) That five minutes, choose that moment every day this week to intentionally slow down. Not because everything is finished, but because your soul and your body needs room to breathe. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. If this episode encouraged you or blessed you in any way, I'd love for you to subscribe to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who may need. Nicole (31:13) This reminder. And if you're ready to stop chasing quick fixes and begin restoring your health from the inside out, I'd love to walk alongside you through my Nicole (31:27) Woman Restored Method Program. Nicole (31:31) You can learn more at Nicole Schrader Transformative Coaching. The link is in the show notes. Until next time, remember that you are worthy of healing, worthy of peace, and worthy of becoming the woman God created you to be. Until next time. Nicole (31:51) Take care. Nicole (31:54) God bless.